Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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