I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
