When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
