i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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