I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
