I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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