We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
