Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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