I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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