Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it hurts more in the daytime
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
