was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
