you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
