YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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