I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
