i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
