Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
