Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
