the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
