My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then he tried to convert me to islam
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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