i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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