I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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