I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
