Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
