yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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