Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
