Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
