just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
