these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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