I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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