I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
