is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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