i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
