You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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