end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
