I feel like abortions should bother me more
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
