it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
