I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
