Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
