I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
