You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
