all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
