either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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