Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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