Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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