I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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