drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
