She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want is dick and wine.
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