Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
