I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
