I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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